India 1. Comfortable in my Own Skin

I’m not going to try and dissect anything in a particular order as I let my India experience change me as it should. If it winds up chronological so be it. It’ll likely end up as a diluted smattering of my recall and a desperate attempt to hold on to it and even go deeper than when I first experienced it. I don’t know what it will look like. And I’ll continue my prayer: Lord, help me to remember what I experienced, to let it change me as it should.

The first thing I remember about filming in India, beside being blindsided by Calcutta and its profound imagery lining the streets that broke me after the trip from airport to hotel, is the intimidation I felt. Maybe it was insecurity. Maybe inexperience holding a big camera over the heads of a foreign culture in a place on the other side of the globe from my comfort zone. Or the gasp/spasm/paralysis I felt somewhere inside that nearly froze me. During our first few stops on a Calcutta tour, I felt extremely out of place. I was intimidated to bring out the camera. I hadn’t anticipated how it would feel to be a tall white guy with a big video camera penetrating a chaotic stream of people and cars and poverty, being watched and second-glanced, making me feel uncomfortable in my own skin. Who was I to step into their stream and document it in a medium that could potentially ‘reveal all’ to thousands of people getting a first impression of India through this footage? Who was I as someone who had clothes on my back, a full stomach and a place to call home to point out the lack thereof in the lives of those at whom the camera pointed? Who was I going to be in India--sheepish and watching it go by? Or an active participant proactively looking for and listening to the story of God as told by the people of India?

I didn’t bring out the camera on my own strength. It’s my job, so I had to, sure, but beyond that, starting to feel comfortable in my own skin was a gift. Not that I wasn’t aware every single second in public that I looked different than everyone else (other than our small group of 4, I went 4 days without seeing another Caucasian) and that I was “one of these kids, doing his own thing,” but something changed that made me ask a different question.

Who was I not to document a few sentences of the behemoth story of India on camera? What a privilege to be in that place with the responsibility of helping to show changed lives, deliverance from the demonic, disease and idol worship. What a privilege to have conversations with men and women on the front lines of the 10/40 window--a camera ‘just happening’ to be on. What a privilege to be challenged by these beautiful people who know far better than I what it means to consider the cost of calling yourself a Christian.

It was never easy. I felt self-conscious each time I brought out the camera. But I realized a few great truths through the production:

1. We’re all trying to figure each other out. Getting video footage is one way to document the goings on of a culture. And nobody really cares that you’re there. Seriously. With a common-sense approach and a smile, most will receive the mild intrusion with a returned smile and more often than not a slight glimmer in their eye of potential stardom. I didn’t get one evil eye or look. Just a snake charmer who followed me a couple of blocks for a few Rupees.

2. I can now officially shoot anywhere. Losing more pride is always good. I’ve made a fool of myself in front of more people I care to count. Holding an oversized video camera, while attracting attention, is a walk in the park over wearing spandex and fumbling with an Italian accent in front of hundreds of peers. And it pushes me to see beyond the shot into the story.

3. As much as I can go there, sometimes against my will, it’s never about me. I’m a little drip in an ocean. If I don’t give credit and honor where it belongs, something like rocks will do the job for me. And when I do acknowledge that it is God’s gifting, both to be involved in a project like this and my own set of gifts, I am at peace. Don’t you want peace?

Thanks for hanging in there. And if you prayed for me (you know who you are-not just saying it but actually doing it), thank you. It made a noticeable difference.