Happy Ambitious New Year!

One of the gifts of taking the day off is just catching up on web articles and thinking. Here's a great one my Dad sent me today. It's chock full of New Year's resolution possibilities and worth the read. I've never been one to make resolutions, since I always seem to break them within a month. But for some reason this time I feel like I have traction, so I'm going to ride the momentum. Some of the following are already in motion, but to put them in writing for others to see (part of the beauty of social media) is like a virtual accountability group. So, here goes for my list:

1. Daily communion with God and dive deeper into prayer

2. Go to sleep same time with Mary (and subsequently getting up earlier)

3. Stretch myself as a creative, filmmaker, producer, writer

4. 2 triathlons--sprint distance, then full

5. Schedule exercise regiment--5 days/week of some type of activity: run/bike/spin/pilates/yoga

6. Maintain the blog on a regular basis (4-5 times/week)

7. Spend less than a dollar/day on doughnuts (except for trips to Kowalski's)

8. Stop eating doughnuts

9. Eat more greens

10. Care less about what people think of me

It's ambitious, I know. Batting averages say you're successful if you hit .333. I'd love to be a resolution batting champ come end of 2010.

Creative and Run

I don't feel like writing tonight. I ran 4 miles in 13 degrees. The Vikings are on and the post-workout adrenaline is almost gone. Dang. I love that post-workout bliss. I wish I had a limitless supply of energy. There's too much to do, write, think about, get done. There's a feature film to produce. And for those of you who were there--the book is still waiting to be finished. There's a finishing theme since I've been back blogging.

So, since I'm not good for a lot more tonight creatively, I'll send along a great creative thinker's site. If you go deep into the site, you may or may not appreciate some of what he has to say. I ate it up. But read all the way down on this linked page. I love his take on doing your own thing. Stop caring about what others think of you. Drink in some of Hugh Macleod's Ignore Everybody and 39 Other Keys to Creativity. You'll be refreshed.

And on the running front. Ah know, right? Seriously, I have no idea where this is coming from. I've now run more in the month of December than I've run in probably the last 5 years. Total. I know some of it was getting the green light from the orthopedic doctor (learning that I actually need to strengthen other parts of my body--i.e. the core). And some of it is just a personal quest to go somewhere I haven't. Going to do a sprint distance triathlon this next summer. Is 'do' a triathlon term? See. I don't even know how to talk 'run' yet. I'll get there. I am still laughing that I have this strong desire to run. I promise I'm not making money on this app (I think I'd be really good at iPhone evangelism) but if you have one, get RunKeeper. I'm waiting for the open window to purchase the Pro version, which is cheap when compared to your health (I'm trying to get that one to work.) I'd have to say that this little app gets at least 20% of the motivational credit.

So, it took me about an hour and a half to write this. Way distracted and the right side of the brain has been dozing for the last 30 minutes or so. And the Vikes are staging a comeback. Say what you will about Favre, but I'm a fan.

Merry Christmas! 2009

The winter storm we held our breath for has come and gone. The winter wonderland we enjoyed for 3 days has now frozen over into rock-like ice formations waiting for another warm spell. The food has been consumed and some of it regretted. But, the warmth of family and another season celebrating the mind-boggling miracle of Jesus coming to earth was one of my most memorable.

Not that anything out of the ordinary happened. It was just being together that mattered and slowing down enough to savor the moments, spontaneous and planned, that will be a special memory for years to come.

We celebrated the miracle of Kayla Rose born in July to Kyle and Jennie. We celebrated the health we have been fortunate to enjoy. We celebrated the gift of work that we treasure laboring over and homes that (though sometimes smell a little much like a fireplace) are inviting. I'm proud of Mary's hospitality in baking lasagna and a special meal for Mom. And the creative ice cream sandwich dessert. I'm grateful for Dad reading the birth story from Luke (always a Christmas tradition). I'm thankful for getting to spend time with both Mary's and my family, which have become our family. And our prayer together after dinner will remain a Christmas highlight to me. And who, really, is Mike Jondan (inside family joke)?

And with all the joy of laughing together, eating, watching little people scamper around the living room, the twinkle in the eyes of Grandmas as they held their grandchildren and our best efforts at celebrating Emmanuel...there is always something that aches inside when it's all over.

Even as I write, I'm sitting in our living room that just 2 days ago was filled with the life and energy and brightness of togetherness. It's now silent except for the furnace kicking in and the gurgle-click of the timed lighting. It was in a moment on Thursday night when everyone had gone and we were cleaning the kitchen that I was left, again, choked up. There's something more. With all of our frail human efforts to slow the season, to grasp what it means that the Creator of the world really did enter into humanity...we still, to some degree, miss it.

But I don't expect to get it before the other side of the thin veil of this life. Then, I believe, that only-tasted knowledge of the yet-realized heavenly intuition will truly be known. Christmas celebration will really make sense. The joy and laughter we experience momentarily here will fill every hidden place in our soul and we will know God in His fullness.

I look forward to 2010 and more moments of being together, of celebrating. I look forward to the possibilities, to the hope of growing and being stretched, of stories yet to be told. And another Christmas.

And so I'm once again humbled and taken aback at the speed of this life, the momentary graces of love and friendship, mercy and forgiveness.

Merry Christmas to you, dear family and friends. It's a privilege to be walking on this road together.

Back again.

OK, so it's embarrassing to be a stopper and starter. I've started and stopped on a number of things in my life, none of which have eternal consequences to my knowledge. But it's annoying because I want to be known as someone who finishes and finishes really well. That to say, the blog has taken a backseat to just about everything in my life for the past months. But, I think I'm back. I really do.

This short entry is just to get me going again. To give you a snapshot of what's going on--there is irony. My last blog entry was about India and yesterday we purchased tickets for our trip to India at the end of January. More to come on that, but to me it's kind of like lightning striking twice, if that can occur in a really positive way. I'm blown away at these life-changing experiences I am so fortunate to have and I am excited to see how I can serve by producing another project in India. I'm also wondering how trip #2 will affect me.

Today is also Mary and my 5 year anniversary. If anything has happened in the blink of an eye, it's the past 5 years. Who am I kidding? The past 23 years is one big blur to me.

Peter Cetera: "After all the stops and starts..."

Troy Gronseth: Really, I'm back.

Food. Hopeful.

India Footage

There is still much swirling around my head and heart around this experience. I've been given the gift of unpacking it with some friends lately and I'm amazed at how fresh it still is. I've spent much of the past couple of weeks going through the footage and starting to put it on an editing timeline for the project and am posting these to show an entirely different perspective than what I captured with my camera phone. These are still frames I've grabbed from the video footage. Quite telling. 

Pics: the first two are from a Ganges worship ceremony in Varanasi. Each night a ceremony is held to worship 'Mother Ganges.' Powerful imagery and sounds (you'll have to see the final film project). I love the color surrounding the man selling produce. The last two are taken from a slum neighborhood in Calcutta-in our short time there we experienced joy that is usually hidden from the world and generosity that was convicting. 

India Images

Since I've struggled lately revealing the process going on inside with a meager couple of offerings, I'll just post some pics I have been meaning to share. The priority of the trip was getting video footage, so the still shots I'm posting are, in a way, the leftover or second-thought effort at just trying to capture as much of India's imagery I could to file for later digesting. On day 7 I found it difficult to keep my eyes open. My experience cup had filled to overflowing and I could barely contain what I had already taken in.

I've been back for almost a month and sense I'm in a dangerous place with this part of who I now am. Time for me so quickly pushes back real life to memory. I had to self-talk to myself daily while there that...I am in Calcutta, I am in Varanasi, I am in Delhi and Agra. Otherwise I wouldn't have believed it myself. Now I'm home and I have to tell myself the same thing. I was in Calcutta...the eyes that met mine, the conversations I had, the interviews, new friendships, the little girl smelling her hands after I shook them-still standing on the corner...all real. Too fast. This wasn't a trip, it wasn't a tour. It was a gift entrusted to me-a peek behind the curtain of creation and a picture of how it's doing. Each and every experience like this should be treated with care and humility.

(Truth of the day:) We have so much and that's not always a good thing.

(pics) A video camera is a great way to start a party in India. I was told to expect the unexpected here. Anything and everything that can possibly fit on a vehicle of some sort will. We saw 5 people on a motorcycle on the trip from Delhi to Agra. These pics are all from Calcutta and show a common picture of idol worship on the Ganges; a mighty Ganges that has been terribly polluted and precious people caught in a caste system (an Indian friend took this with my phone) with no way up or out. Yet.

Pakistan

Not often you see a candid pic of this hands-off country. The border
between India and Pakistan is lit like a Lite Brite. Trust me, this is
really Pakistan. Taken with iPhone from plane.

India 1. Comfortable in my Own Skin

I’m not going to try and dissect anything in a particular order as I let my India experience change me as it should. If it winds up chronological so be it. It’ll likely end up as a diluted smattering of my recall and a desperate attempt to hold on to it and even go deeper than when I first experienced it. I don’t know what it will look like. And I’ll continue my prayer: Lord, help me to remember what I experienced, to let it change me as it should.

The first thing I remember about filming in India, beside being blindsided by Calcutta and its profound imagery lining the streets that broke me after the trip from airport to hotel, is the intimidation I felt. Maybe it was insecurity. Maybe inexperience holding a big camera over the heads of a foreign culture in a place on the other side of the globe from my comfort zone. Or the gasp/spasm/paralysis I felt somewhere inside that nearly froze me. During our first few stops on a Calcutta tour, I felt extremely out of place. I was intimidated to bring out the camera. I hadn’t anticipated how it would feel to be a tall white guy with a big video camera penetrating a chaotic stream of people and cars and poverty, being watched and second-glanced, making me feel uncomfortable in my own skin. Who was I to step into their stream and document it in a medium that could potentially ‘reveal all’ to thousands of people getting a first impression of India through this footage? Who was I as someone who had clothes on my back, a full stomach and a place to call home to point out the lack thereof in the lives of those at whom the camera pointed? Who was I going to be in India--sheepish and watching it go by? Or an active participant proactively looking for and listening to the story of God as told by the people of India?

I didn’t bring out the camera on my own strength. It’s my job, so I had to, sure, but beyond that, starting to feel comfortable in my own skin was a gift. Not that I wasn’t aware every single second in public that I looked different than everyone else (other than our small group of 4, I went 4 days without seeing another Caucasian) and that I was “one of these kids, doing his own thing,” but something changed that made me ask a different question.

Who was I not to document a few sentences of the behemoth story of India on camera? What a privilege to be in that place with the responsibility of helping to show changed lives, deliverance from the demonic, disease and idol worship. What a privilege to have conversations with men and women on the front lines of the 10/40 window--a camera ‘just happening’ to be on. What a privilege to be challenged by these beautiful people who know far better than I what it means to consider the cost of calling yourself a Christian.

It was never easy. I felt self-conscious each time I brought out the camera. But I realized a few great truths through the production:

1. We’re all trying to figure each other out. Getting video footage is one way to document the goings on of a culture. And nobody really cares that you’re there. Seriously. With a common-sense approach and a smile, most will receive the mild intrusion with a returned smile and more often than not a slight glimmer in their eye of potential stardom. I didn’t get one evil eye or look. Just a snake charmer who followed me a couple of blocks for a few Rupees.

2. I can now officially shoot anywhere. Losing more pride is always good. I’ve made a fool of myself in front of more people I care to count. Holding an oversized video camera, while attracting attention, is a walk in the park over wearing spandex and fumbling with an Italian accent in front of hundreds of peers. And it pushes me to see beyond the shot into the story.

3. As much as I can go there, sometimes against my will, it’s never about me. I’m a little drip in an ocean. If I don’t give credit and honor where it belongs, something like rocks will do the job for me. And when I do acknowledge that it is God’s gifting, both to be involved in a project like this and my own set of gifts, I am at peace. Don’t you want peace?

Thanks for hanging in there. And if you prayed for me (you know who you are-not just saying it but actually doing it), thank you. It made a noticeable difference.

Re-entry.

I'm home. I actually got home a day early because I didn't want to fly into Bangkok and its chaos, so rerouted the other way around the world and got in Monday. Thus far it's been a tough re-entry in many ways, but I'm so very, very grateful to be home. Seeing Mary at the airport made the 15-hour "stomach flight" worth it. I feel like I left it all on the field and stumbled across the finish line emotionally and spiritually spent.

And mm hmm, I got sick. No idea which of the 2 million different bacteria or bugs I could have picked up, but I started Malaria testing today and started on the Z-pack to hopefully get rid of the stomach issues.

As for actually understanding where I've been and what I've been up to and who I am now because of it, I'll be processing this for months, I know. 9 days in India is so wildly difficult and emotional and hard and hopeful and humbling that I can only hope to convey some of what I saw and experienced.

It's hard to watch tv and the silence while Mary is at work is strange. I see fast-moving images of street life in India and hear the honking and shuffle when I close my eyes. I wonder how it is that I can be home and comfortable with anything I could possibly need when the low-caste man with no feet hand-pedals himself around asking for money. How do I reconcile the fact that I was born into such 'wealth,' so very different than what I saw in India?

I met a guy at church on Sunday who told me to not draw any conclusions for 6 months-let the experience settle for a while, process, but don't draw conclusions. Easier said than done, I think, but I'll try.

Just a few pics for now and then (after I get some more sleep) I'll try to flesh out a few of the more significant images into digestible bytes, mostly for my sake. Thanks for continuing to follow and I am continuing to pray 'God, don't let me forget this.'

Pics: the 2 'fort-like' pictures are from the Agra fort. I'm horrible with history, but it was built to protect the Moghul influence in Agra. There are monkeys all over India-you see lots of them in the wild, even around town, and they are exploited for their intelligence in song and dance routines by peddlers. This (reeces) monkey was one of about 30 I saw at the fort just running around. I could have high-fived this guy but decided against getting bitten. And yes, that is really me at the Tajmahal. That was a long Saturday trip to Agra (thanks Dewy!) but I can most definitely say I've been there and done that. There are signs around Agra congratulating its residents that the Taj has been moved up to be #1 on the 7 Wonders of the World list. Not quite sure how that works...but it is astounding, built entirely of white marble-and fascinating story linking that and the Agra Fort. The wiring is actually not telephone wires like the popular e-mail depicts, but electrical. Someone told me that 40% of those using electricity in India are ripping it off, tapping into these lines and jimmy-rigging their own power source. Pretty funny. And pretty ingenious.

I'm praying

That I will never forget what I've experienced here in India. 

I've been jotting quick notes in a moleskine in attempts to keep everything I've seen, done, heard, smelled and touched in Kolkata, Varanasi and now Delhi, India. Truthfully, it has been one of the most intense experiences of my life and I'm overwhelmed at not being able to unpack anything in the past 6 days. Internet has been spotty at best and we've been running most of the time, so I haven't been in touch since Bangkok. I've got a list of images written down, experiences I've had that I could/should spend the next 6 months making part of me. 

I've wept uncontrollably, been so proud of people, a little amazed at myself and overly convinced of the power of prayer. My heart has been massaged and I've seen firsthand the results of Godly miracles. I've been inundated with stimulus to the point of having to close my eyes on taxi rides. 

I appreciate those of you who have followed this and even recently asked why the blog hasn't been updated. Know that I've wanted to respond to each e-mail, just haven't had the capacity or connectivity to do it. I'm thankful for family and friends praying for my health and protection--and to get the story of India captured in moving pictures. 

If pictures are worth 1000 words, here begins the dissertation of my India journey. I'm absolutely humbled.

pic 1: Much of our time has been spent traveling. We started in Calcutta (Kolkata) and spent 2 days there, then to Delhi for a night and Varanasi for a day and now back in Delhi. I'm getting a flavor for several Asian airlines.

pic 2: on the Ganges River in Varanasi. Varanasi is considered the holiest city in India with thousands of years of history. This is an idol worship ceremony on the river (more to come on this). 

pic 3: as I was filming the river before the ceremony, I met a couple young men who were wondering what I was doing with the camera. They were so gracious to teach me about the ceremony and the significance of it to their Hindu culture. As you can see from this picture, big crowds gather around cameras!

pic 4: There isn't a picture that can capture the intensity of the numbers of people in India. It boasts 17% of the world's population and the three cities I've visited are bustling cities with very little personal space.

Gold, Buddha, Chinatown

Again, I wish I had more to offer in the way of unpacking all that we're seeing and experiencing. It is said a picture is worth 1000 words. I'll take it at this point. The Buddha shot was taken at the head of a 100 yard reclining Buddha. The palace on the lawn is the Royal Grand Palace where previous kings of Thailand lived. A couple of architectural shots. And me in Chinatown. The Tuk Tuk ride was nuts-hoping to post some video soon. The conference has been such a gift to both Mary and I. And we get to be part of this culture for a time, too? Shazam. 

Reality

In one of the messages today, Tim Addington talked about the reality of life in Thailand: astounding rates of prostitution from young children on up, young women being sold into sexual slavery by their own families, extreme brokenness. I've been thinking about some of the sobering statistics most of the day and trying to find the reflection time to let it hit my heart as hard as it should. It's sickening, despicable. It's something we'd never know about and we're sheltered from in the U.S. And if I take this experience at face value-enamored by the things that any normal human would, I'd miss the heartbeat of a country desperate for hope. Desperate to be given something more than humiliation, selling bodies for income, ultimate shame-it's easy to be a tourist. Again, it's more than I have the capacity to unpack right now, but Google some of what's going on in Thailand. It's a harsh reality. And it's happening in one form or another ALL OVER THE WORLD. 

I couldn't post any pictures today. I just uploaded them from the camera, but couldn't bring myself to post in this particular entry-not when millions of young women across the world and only minutes away from where I'm writing this are being sold for money. 

One night in Bangkok...

1. Apparently the mannequins reflect the demeanor of the Thai people-always smiling. Nice mannequin. 

2. Can't really describe the shopping experience yet and a picture doesn't do it justice. Having a hard time putting words to most things right now. Hence the pictures. See Troy and Mary. 

3. Mary is a rock star for washing my clothes. In the tub. And wringing them all. By hand. The goal is to have all my clothes clean for Saturday's departure to India. I'm looking forward to my quick-drys being good to me there.

4. Bangkok is bustling all the time. Young people everywhere. Crowded. Bus. 

5. No idea what it says, but am pretty sure it's a street sign. 

Also not understanding the blog layout of the pics. I think you'll figure out which descriptor correlates. Too tired. Going to bed.

Bangkok evening and trying to unpack.

For those of you following our trip--we're in Bangkok because I'm filming the conference going on here. If it wasn't enough to be halfway around the globe, digesting the messages and training while I'm filming is a (rich) task and gift in itself. Getting a Biblical worldview from a Kenyan is a powerful, powerful thing. I'd love to unpack some of it here if I can--but will have to wait--I'm in between sessions and trying to keep up on e-mails.

Here are a few pics we took last night. Thanks for checking in. It means a lot to have family and friends watching our journey unfold. 

Losing it and the transition.

Here's where I start to feel a little out of control. I've bobbed in the Andaman Sea and been surrounded by beauty I thanked God for. Standing in the crystal water, letting the breathtaking landscape of cliffs growing from the water and warm waves lap at and bump me. I could have stood there for days soaking it in, soaking in it. I really didn't want to leave. Something about it, the characteristics that make it one of the 'world's top 10' got to me. And I'm not a crazy beach person. 

Then I lost it. Swaying to the tide, I balanced on my right foot while bringing my left knee to my chest. Sort of a meditative stretch-I was praying while stretching and searching for an end to the sea in front of me. I started to unclasp my hands, slipping, almost there, unclasped...and my wedding ring went right with the declasping. I looked for 40 minutes, even opened my eyes underwater but got nothing. But, I was not hurt stretching. 

The losing part for me is not the ring but the rush of experiences, maybe just a snapshot here, a smell, a sound, a face-each one vying for some reflective attention--and not getting enough at the moment. As someone of context, I'm trying to put the pieces together around me all the time and trying desperately to remain present in each greeting, new sight, tiny realization. It's hard to be in my head. 

The 'big one' has been an exhilarating ride thus far. It's a smorgasbord of sensation and stimulus; almost every single one of them brand new. I want to write about the massages Mary and I had-not because it's a western comparison but because I was so humbled by it. 

A trip like this makes me proud to be human. Sometimes embarrassed to be an American. And so very grateful to get itty bitty glimpses of God's creativity. 

Much, much more to come. (the pics are from our room here in Bangkok).

Another day in Phuket

Here are a few more pics from the day. You'll see what we had for lunch (comfort food), the view from our room (walks out literally into the pool), the most amazing sunset we've ever seen and a pic Mom and Dad sent of Tabby (unbelievably cute). 

Up early again (Troy at 4) and are wiped out from an intense day of sunning (Mary burnt through a cabana--huh?) We didn't get a picture, but have to rub in (no pun intended) the couple's massage we got yesterday. Also unbelievable. 

One more day in Phuket before heading to Bangkok. We're ready for the next leg of the tour. 

T and M